Quotes Of Groucho Marx Funny the best American comedian and film and television star

American comedian and film and television star. He is known as a master of quick wit and widely considered one of the best comedians of the modern era.

Occupation

Actor, Comedian

Born	October 2, 1890 New York City, United States

👮👊 I’m not crazy about reality but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.

👮👊 From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend on reading it.

👮👊 Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.

👮👊 I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.

👮👊 I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.

👮👊 If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.

👮👊 Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, and I’m going to be happy in it.

👮👊 Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.

👮👊  Marriage is a wonderful institution…but who wants to live in an institution?

 

👮👊  I have nothing but respect for you — and not much of that.

👮👊  If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

👮👊  Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

👮👊 I intend to live forever, or die trying.

👮👊 Whatever it is, I’m against it.

👮👊 Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men — the other 999 follow women.

👮👊 She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.

👮👊  Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

 

👮👊  I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

👮👊 Why, look at me. I’ve worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

👮👊  Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.

👮👊  I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.

👮👊 Quote me as saying I was mid-quoted.

👮👊 Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

👮👊 Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them…well I have others.

 

👮👊  Do you mind if I don’t smoke?

👮👊  I must admit, I was born at an early age.

👮👊 Groucho: You know I think you’re the most beautiful woman in the world?

            Woman: Really?

           Groucho: No, but I don’t mind lying if it gets me somewhere.

 

👮👊  The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.

👮👊  I’ve been looking for a girl like you – not you, but a girl like you.

👮👊  Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.

👮👊  I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

 

👮👊  No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

👮👊  Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.

👮👊  Was that you or the duck?

👮👊 He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.

👮👊  A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

👮👊  You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.

👮👊  Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

 

👮👊  Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

👮👊  All people are born alike… except Republicans and Democrats.

👮👊  If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

👮👊  Before I speak, I have something important to say.

👮👊  Room service? Send up a larger room.

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